Jamsheed’s Corner: Donna Martin Graduates

November 2nd, 2007

“Hey Brenda, hey Kelly, can I sit with you guys for lunch? … oh … there’s no room at the table? But I see a seat right next to Steve … oh … he has the flu? Maybe we can do something later like go shopping at Westside Pavilion? I saw these really awesome floral culottes on sale… oh you don’t buy things on sale? Ok … hey Dylan do you want to come help me study for the algebra test on Thursday? … oh …you don’t know how to spell algebra? Ok um I’m going to the Peach Pit to hang out with Nat. I will see you guys later.”

I never really was accepted at West Beverly High. I mean I even had the coolest brown leather backpack. I know that my tights were a bit from the 80’s, but like c’mon. Whatever. It is sad too because after they started filming that show at school called 90210 no one even acknowledged me. The producers told me that I could be an extra. I was so devastated. Everyone started calling me the 90210 extra. Fuck Kelly and fuck Brenda. I am glad Kelly fucked Dylan and Brenda now has horse teeth and no one will touch her pussy. Fuck high school!

Side Note: The perfect day… My college applications are done and sent, I am freshly waxed, I am 20 lbs lighter, my model Fortune 500 smart as hell makes me pee from laughter boyfriend brings me home sushi and green tea mochi balls, and has gymnastic sex with me while feeding me my sushi and is always kind enough to put some ginger on each bite too, while we watch “I Love New York”

JAMSHEED’S DOITDOIT OF THE DAY:

This is for the ladies … how long has it been since you have had a proper sleepover with your girls? I am talking 90210 reruns, weed, chips, dip, weed, pajamas, sleeping bags, laughing and all the weed in the world. I am not talking about hey girls come over let’s drink a bottle of absinthe, get naked, dance to Kelly Clarkson, make out with each other, and then not speak in the morning. I am talking proper sleepover. It is necessary! Call up your girls and do it do it.

(*Cultist does not necessarily share the views of Jamsheed and cannot be held accountable for any offense, lawsuits, or violent spasms occuring as a result of these posts. )

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