Dallas Clayton is pretty awesome. He is a writer, a doting father, and he drove me home one time when I had done too many mushrooms. Also, he writes like I would if I wasn’t so self-indulgent and prone to excess parentheticals (I can’t help it, I just like afterthoughts). Check out his writing at www.dallasclayton.com.
I’m no psychic but I’m guessing most of you would vote your pet goldfish into office if it meant replacing Mr. Bush. Yet you’re probably not registered to vote. We here at Cultist encourage you to do some research, figure out who turns you on (politically speaking) and get out there and vote. So if you can prove to us that you are registered (scan in a document, foward us your confirmation, whatever) we will send you a code to receive 10% off your orders for the month of February. Email us at contact@cultistshop.com.
Here are some helpful links:
ROCK THE VOTE www.rockthevote.org: you can register to vote here
CNN ELECTION CENTER www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/: find out who’s who and what’s what
You may have missed your state’s primary/caucus, but you should register anyway. Here is what’s left:
FEBRUARY 2008
• February 1: Maine (R)
• February 5: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho (D), Illinois, Kansas (D), Massachusetts, Minnesota, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico (D), New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah
• February 9: Louisiana, Washington (D), Kansas (R)
• February 10: Maine (D)
• February 12: District of Columbia, Maryland, Virginia
• February 19: Hawaii (D)*, Washington, Wisconsin
MARCH 2008
• March 4: Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont
• March 8: Wyoming (D)
• March 11: Mississippi
APRIL 2008
• April 22: Pennsylvania
MAY 2008
• May 6: Indiana, North Carolina
• May 13: Nebraska, West Virginia
• May 20: Kentucky, Oregon
• May 27: Idaho (R)
JUNE 2008
• June 3: Montana, New Mexico (R), South Dakota
Go bask in the warmth that is Pretty Ricky Rodney, and pick up some gear for your neglected mans (we know you haven’t even looked his way since the L Word came back on).
Don’t just talk about it. Be about it.
Go slap Sam’s ass for me.
The Jamshers is back in action and as usual I don’t have anything of great importance to talk about. I’m sitting in an office in downtown LA with seven Persian men, a Mexican and a Mongol. It smells of dust, I’ve just had my tenth tea of the day and Yasi just yelled at me to write the new Jamsheed’s corner.
A few things I would like to discuss. The first one is sweating. I’ve realized that I dont sweat as much as I did in high school. It was pretty bad then. I would get so embarrassed sometimes that I would keep my hooded sweatshirt on in 90 degree weather so no one could see my spots. These days only a couple spots here and there … no big deal. Dear God … why didn’t you have me sweat like this then? I could’ve gotten a lot more ass and not have been as self conscious. Whatever at least I was skinny back then … voted best legs on the tennis team. Now I think I’d get voted best legs on the sumo team.
Next I would like to discuss New Year’s … there’s nothing much to discuss. My vagine didn’t get any attention, 5 hours of my night was spent waiting for cabs, 30 secs was spent talking to a guy who was stupid enough to eat garlic for dinner, and at the end of the night I realized why I haven’t spent New Year’s in LA for the past 6 yrs.
Lastly, but most importantly, I want to discuss the L word. For all the wannabe lesbians who just can’t bring themselves to go downtown on the jungle of love, the L word is the show to watch. The cast is comprised of every good looking lesbian on the planet. The rest are just ugly with hairy legs and cats or if you’ve had a one nighter the girl was probably so drunk she forgot she was straight. Anyways the second episode of the 4th season just aired and I’ve never laughed so hard at how retarded the show actually is. The dialogue is so stupid that I still can’t believe its on the air but I am glad it is bc Shane is the love of my life. If you watch the show note how fuckin stupid Bette’s hair is. It looks like the hair of a 90 yr old Persian woman shopping at Elat market. Tina is still the ugliest person with lips so thin they can give you paper cuts on your vagine. Jenny needs to DIE and then DIE again. The one thing that disturbed me the most last night is Helena and the man woman scary butch pyscho. Who the hell is that person and who the fuck were all those disgusting looking lesbians in the shower that had African style titties. I am so glad my boobs don’t look like that. Esther and Pinta are as perky as a 2 yr olds ass. What else … oh yeah I know it’s mean but I honestly did not understand one word Marlee Matalin said. They need to have the subtitles on 24/7 for that shit.
JAMSHEED’s DOITDOIT of the day: Obviously most of my doitdoits are about food so … go try out this fuckin bomb ass pizza on Hollywood blvd. It is on the corner that is across the street from Toi. No idea what it’s called but they put sesame seeds on the crust and it rocks my world. Secondly, if you want to see Shane and try and slip her your number, hoping she will just take you in the bathroom and have your way with her go to Falcon on Sunday nights for the L word viewing. She has apparantly been there the past 2 Sundays with fuckin Paris Hilton of all people. (I hope they didn’t do it). Ok I’m done. The end.
(*Cultist does not necessarily share the views of Jamsheed and cannot be held accountable for any offense, lawsuits, or violent spasms occuring as a result of these posts. )
Go tip Jen so she can pay for her new teeth. She’s on a frequent buyer program, buy 9 teeth get the 10th tooth for free.
Just go. You can thank us later. (We like single-malt scotch).
Tune into UCLARADIO.COM - January 11th
Friday -January 11th
Moonrats will be Live on the air at 3PM on UCLARADIO.COM
On the Show Sexy Time, Fridays 2-4PM
To listen: 1. go to http://uclaradio.com/
2. click the listen live headphones at the top of page
3. choose preferable bitrate
4. click open and play using rhapsody or if that
doesn’t work, save and open with apple itunes.
Tune in will be a sweet thing….
