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The Jamshers is back in action and as usual I don’t have anything of great importance to talk about. I’m sitting in an office in downtown LA with seven Persian men, a Mexican and a Mongol. It smells of dust, I’ve just had my tenth tea of the day and Yasi just yelled at me to write the new Jamsheed’s corner.

A few things I would like to discuss. The first one is sweating. I’ve realized that I dont sweat as much as I did in high school. It was pretty bad then. I would get so embarrassed sometimes that I would keep my hooded sweatshirt on in 90 degree weather so no one could see my spots. These days only a couple spots here and there … no big deal. Dear God … why didn’t you have me sweat like this then? I could’ve gotten a lot more ass and not have been as self conscious. Whatever at least I was skinny back then … voted best legs on the tennis team. Now I think I’d get voted best legs on the sumo team.

Next I would like to discuss New Year’s … there’s nothing much to discuss. My vagine didn’t get any attention, 5 hours of my night was spent waiting for cabs, 30 secs was spent talking to a guy who was stupid enough to eat garlic for dinner, and at the end of the night I realized why I haven’t spent New Year’s in LA for the past 6 yrs.

Lastly, but most importantly, I want to discuss the L word. For all the wannabe lesbians who just can’t bring themselves to go downtown on the jungle of love, the L word is the show to watch. The cast is comprised of every good looking lesbian on the planet. The rest are just ugly with hairy legs and cats or if you’ve had a one nighter the girl was probably so drunk she forgot she was straight. Anyways the second episode of the 4th season just aired and I’ve never laughed so hard at how retarded the show actually is. The dialogue is so stupid that I still can’t believe its on the air but I am glad it is bc Shane is the love of my life. If you watch the show note how fuckin stupid Bette’s hair is. It looks like the hair of a 90 yr old Persian woman shopping at Elat market. Tina is still the ugliest person with lips so thin they can give you paper cuts on your vagine. Jenny needs to DIE and then DIE again. The one thing that disturbed me the most last night is Helena and the man woman scary butch pyscho. Who the hell is that person and who the fuck were all those disgusting looking lesbians in the shower that had African style titties. I am so glad my boobs don’t look like that. Esther and Pinta are as perky as a 2 yr olds ass. What else … oh yeah I know it’s mean but I honestly did not understand one word Marlee Matalin said. They need to have the subtitles on 24/7 for that shit.

JAMSHEED’s DOITDOIT of the day: Obviously most of my doitdoits are about food so … go try out this fuckin bomb ass pizza on Hollywood blvd. It is on the corner that is across the street from Toi. No idea what it’s called but they put sesame seeds on the crust and it rocks my world. Secondly, if you want to see Shane and try and slip her your number, hoping she will just take you in the bathroom and have your way with her go to Falcon on Sunday nights for the L word viewing. She has apparantly been there the past 2 Sundays with fuckin Paris Hilton of all people. (I hope they didn’t do it). Ok I’m done. The end.

(*Cultist does not necessarily share the views of Jamsheed and cannot be held accountable for any offense, lawsuits, or violent spasms occuring as a result of these posts. )

Sensational model, Kim Matulova, is the only face to appear in absolutely every issue of Missbehave ever! Why? Well…isn’t it obvious? Vote for her in the Supreme Management Model Search. If she doesn’t beat those other bitches with votes, we’re going down there to beat them with bats. So for the sake of of models everywhere…please vote early and often.

Today is the last day, so get in there and vote!

Click this link: VOTE FOR KIM

So here we are. We now have our own dirty four-letter word (b*og) and we want to welcome you to it. However, we’d like you to think of this less as a blog and more as a love letter to you, dear reader (and a hate letter to Kirsten Dunst). Come visit us when you feel like having your fancy tickled. We will have the normal product updates and around town happenings, as well as a few interviews, op-ed pieces, recipes, art projects, and the occasional piece of interpretive dance. We hope you like it, because we like you.

(image courtesy of the noble and wonderful Moo).